[ Dark Entries ]

8th September 2024

All I do is beg to the sky.

I am trying so hard to avoid these dimensional rifts. Dodging bullets on this circuitboard of Time, asteroids through my celestial body.

God I can't take much more.
How frayed does it get before the last fibre is broken.

If it descends again so will my grip. If I lose much more I will be tattered remains, seperating into dust. There wont be anything left of me to exist. I can't negotiate every time. It wears away. It grinds the breaks down to the metal.

When will I gain? When will I have more to call my own than the basement of the baseline? Without a catch, without a cost? Will "god" ever take its shift from the trickster?

What happens when an immoveable object meets an unstoppable force? Well, i'll tell you.

When the two sides of my mind collide, all they can bargain for is a gamble. That's their only compromise. And luckily (for others, and for the love I still wish to give and share with others), I have won those taunts of fate. Or at the very least, I have split into the reality where I did win them. Perhaps the opposite also exists from another's perspective.

I have marched mere inches away from trucks on the highway, so close I felt their wind push me back and their horn make my heart jolt up out of my chest. I've slept on the side of the highway, hidden in the longgrass with only a vent made for my eyes, watching the diamonds and rubies fly by, trying to desensitise myself to the leap. I've driven 200kph with no seatbelt on swerving to see if the car would flip. If I owned a gun I would have fallen asleep with it loaded in my mouth time and time again. My body wrapped around it each night like its the love of my life. My soulmate is my killer.

In facing Hades' void pupil reflecting back upon my own, I realised I don't yet have what it takes. And I have never felt so vulnerable, and such hate. I can't jump but I can be its dark temptress. Its sacrilegious siren. Taut abyssal beauty. Here in this cell I stay until it comes to make claim. My body is bait. So take me away.

Destiny witholds both my love and my death. I'm dreaming in transit. Watching the world go by at the window. An experience for sight but never the taste or touch.

I just want to live.
And that's why I must leave.

5th September 2024

My destiny is narrowing down. The walls close in and take you a certain route. I do have something moving me forward, a place in time to arrive to, and I hope its not a mirage. It isn't what you think. It isn't up to me. Someday my debts will be paid, my job will be done, and I will be struck down by lightning.

I was once lifted with fairy dust, and became one of the fallen.

I'm sorry.
All I think about is dying.
I'm in love with dying.

The way the thought makes the eyes roll back into my head

Enacting enacting enacting enacting
Preparing preparing preparing

Tear at me with metal teeth
I want to feel my soul rise like sunshine

There is something in my chest trying to claw itself out

Can I be truthful

Heaven consumes my mind

Fear eats me alive

I need to take myself out

The one who could control the weather
Remember that

I will burst alive

This world couldnt keep us

I curl backward

I dont think I ever will experience a thing I dream of

I’m turning sharp

A laser vision burns at the edges

White hot
Terminator

I fuck death

What happens if you burn photographs of yourself

I'm hearing it again as I did back then
Drum of my heart
Deep blood curdling sounds of life

Im just aching

Twisted fangs latching